Transition year(or 4th year) is the biggest waist of time that exists. Like all you do in every class is nothing. Yet teachers constantly tell you it’s not for sitting around playing poker. Nonsense. That said, it is the best year in school. It is the only year you can get away with doing anything you want, to an extent. There is no better example of this than when I was given a maths project to design and price a house and i did…. something else. I designed not a house but a Impenetrable fortress from which nobody you wanted dead could leave. Note: I am a normal well adjusted person so don’t worry
Ok so here’s how it goes. You go off into the middle of nowhere and build a giant and I mean giant mansion. 3 stories the whole deal like. And in the centre of this absolutely giant mansion you build your actual house. The rest of the space will be used for defence. So I’ll set the scene, it’s a cold winter night and 2 men have broken in to rob you. They take a couple steps in and trigger the pressure plates built under the entire floor. These set off an alarm in your room and your room only. You wake up and so of course you trigger the security system, I’ll get back to that in a second. The moment you trigger the security metal shutters deploy over all the windows and doors and metal walls deploy in some of the hallways so the thieves are forced to go deeper
By now they will have reached the main security area. All the walls past the metal walls will be painted in Vantablack, as well as the ceilings and floors, which is the blackest black and absorbs 99.96 of visible light. The speakers built into the walls that by now will be blaring loud music along with the strobe lights in the ceiling will help disorientate the thieves even further making it basically impossible for them to make sense of their surroundings. But now it’s time for the main attraction. The device or should i say devices that will take care of these men.
A horde of roombas. These will of course be modified roombas with some slight changes. The rim of the roombas will essentially be the saw off of a Buzz saw so that coming into contact with the roombas will lead to multiple cuts and blood loss. But how will they find our assailants? well through the pressure plates under the floorboards of course. The roombas will have been programmed to hunt down and charge into anything that is picked up by the pressure plates the moment the security system is triggered. But how will they get around? At the floor level of all walls will be tiny vents built in so that the roombas can pass through walls with ease and pop out unexpected. This will of course take care of any threats left in your house. Because maybe you can take care of one of these roombas. But 20? not a chance. especially when your disoriented with no hope of escape.
Of course by now the Garda should have been contacted so they can take care of what’s left of this mess. Now a friend of mine brought up the fact the other day that the Garda wouldn’t be very happy with the murder mansion. I had to think about this for a while but then it struck me while i was having a piss. If you built this then of course the law wouldn’t be a problem. Why? Your’e rich and as we know the three things that help you get away with crimes even when your evidently guilty are being A) Famous e.g Matthew Broderick only had too pay a 100 pound fine for killing two women in Enniskillen in a head on collision in 1987 B)money e.g On the night of November 6, 1963, two days after her 17th birthday, Laura Welch(future bush) ran a stop sign and struck another car, killing its driver and wasn’t charged and C) Being a member of any police force e.g The Murder of Fred Hampton.
Now in case you have forgotten, I designed and wrote most of this for a 4th year school maths project. I got up in front of a class and gave a power point on this murder house. And this was accepted. The only way 4th year could be improved is if they just didn’t make you come into school for a year. Also the maths teacher didn’t refer me to any form of counselling, tho I think by then my school counsellor had become non existent.