Wanker writing

I was sad once but now I’m not, let’s talk about it

Return of the mack is an R&B song by Mark Morrison released in 1996 and topping charts across the world. The inspiration for the song was Mark trying to turn his life around. Morrison said in 1000 UK #1 Hits by Jon Kutner and Spencer Leigh, “When I wrote that song, it was all about my moving from the negative to the positive. And that’s how it turned out. Within the space of a year, I went from the lowest point of my life to return as The Mack and move forward to what’s become the highest point of my life.” While the song focuses on a man recuperating from a breakup it is in general just a comeback anthem.

Like many people I relate to this song. I’d say the summer of 2018 was the low point of my life. It just felt crap o I made a commitment to myself. I would focus my attention inward and fix the problems I found with myself. I (tried to at least) stopped chasing people who had no interest in me, I focused on stuff I enjoyed and questioned my personality. I was determined to figure out what made me unlikable and unhappy. So that’s what I attempted to do.

I read stupid self help article after article. I also began listening to way way way more music, and I found out music fucking slaps. A major step of this was learning to be confident. It was so tiresome to be unable to talk to new people, hell even people I knew or to be able to be how I wanted for fear of judgement. Especially clothes like. Wearing giant clothes because it covered up my body was the norm like. Now i wear what I want because I like how it feels and I like how it looks and I know i have style not because of what others think.

I don’t need you to tell me how fucking good my style is, okay? I’m the one who designed it. I know how good it is. When others goes shopping they buy SHIT. I buy the proper good stuff because when I wear it I want to taste it. But you know what’s on my mind right now? It AIN’T the clothes in my wardrobe, it’s the rest of this blog post i have to fucking write.

Hell I even looked at how I communicated online cause I was an awful dry shite. At least that’s how I felt, maybe I was overthinking. I’m want to do. Nonetheless learning to e heavily critical of myself was a useful skill to use. But infact this is getting em sidetracked from the main point I’m trying to make.

The main point I’m trying to make is that, I completed that journey. I’ts two years on and I am finally happy. I have plenty of friends who I care about and they care about me. I find it easy to make friends to make conversation. I have someone I deeply care about and who deeply cares about me. This all finally clicked when I was apologising to my gf for being an asshole before we dated and she went” If I thought you were mean I wouldn’t be dating you”And it just hit me, I’ve been dating someone for 9 months. We’re making plans for our 1 year anniversary.

I guess in short this was a ramble/flex. But I just wanted to talk about it. sometimes I spiral but overall I am happy. To quote the police “Even thought my life before was tragic, Now i know my love for her goes on”