I don't even know bro

I want to smash my head open and bleed.

I made an email for this blog so now if you want to contact me you can contact me by messaging the email in my about section. i refuse to respond to any other forms of communication(unless you have my personal discord or phone number or snapchat etc etc) tho i doubt anyone who doesn’t have those things reads this, but i digress.

Do you ever get the urge to just smash your head of a table or window? I do all the fucking time. Like i am one slight change and then i am going to go ape shit, smash my laptop and smash my head to pieces. It worries me because I get a similar call to do other things that stress me or I’m worried about etc. for example there is a newspaper/magazine that I want to write for named [redacted]. But I always get worried about writing for it? like I want to but i stress out because I think others will give out to me if I submit my work to it? like i don’t care about the quality of my work but I don’t want to get rejected because I have low standards for my stuff and therefore will write any old thing and think it’s good enough.

And every time i think about submitting something for it I get a little bit closer to doing so. One day I’ll write an article for them but not send it. the next time i’ll write the article and an email but not send it. And eventually I’ll take the plunge. Its what I do with everything. Does anyone else do this? It’s like the call of the void but for basic tasks lol. This fear tho is different to my old fear. Because me being dumb and stupid could have actual consequences. Now if i submit my work people will read it and go “this isn’t good enough” and it’ll be denied and then these people i know will probably silently judge me. It’s the worst. I think tomorrow i will write that article.

But yeah I always get this call of the void with tasks. and eventually i answer the call and do the task. So one day I’ll probably miss an upload and then next post will be “lol just smashed my head open” or something of similar style. Maybe i am a harm to myself lmao. It’s mainly that i need to channel all my energy somewhere I think. When I write out stuff I lose all that pent up stress and energy. It’s therapeutic to talk to strangers about a random movie I saw*cough*read my review post*cough* even if I don’t mention my emotions in it. I think that this blog finally confirms that I like writing stuff. When i write i’m chill and calm and I can’t think about smashing my head until it cracks open like a very durable egg. So thank ye who read this. It’s nice seeing “141 unique visits and 690 hits”. Makes me continue to send this stuff to the internet, and cause ya’ll don’t really exist to me I don’t actually feel stressed about any of it. It’s a deadline that doesn’t really exist I suppose.

I promise one day reading this garbage will have a point. I am worried that going back to school will destroy my upload schedule tho : ( but I’ll try my best to keep up the weekly posts. and if I miss one I’ll double post. Or else the wall smashing will get me lol. I think my end goal for writing is to get someone who is horribly obsessed with me. it’d be neat don’t ya agree. There was no real point to this post, but I still wanted to make something. But yeah tell me do you get THE VOID to? about regular things of course, not about wanting to plough you car into traffic cause everyone gets that of course. But do you get that void feel about doing stuff you want to do but your lazy about. cause it’s a wackass feeling. If i sent this to you I await your response. and if you drifted across this post(or a stranger who checks out my blog every week) shoot me an email, i’ll reply as soon as I can. Also don’t worry I’m completely fine mentally 🙂 i didn’t just have a breakdown and spam someone i care deeply about with 700000 er so messages lol like i’d do that. For real tho this joke is starting to sound like not a joke i promise. 🙂 first strangers email, i’ll print it out and stick it on my wall