Wanker writing

Fuck feeling dread, I should bake bread.

My whole life I’ve been acting like tomorrow will never come. Not that the next day in general but the day that is tomorrow exactly. The first of September 2020. The date means nothing but what comes on that date matters. I am going to begin my final year of school. Basically no years of my schooling have actually mattered lol. Like they’ve taught me shit and all but the only test that will have mattered so far will be the one I take at the end of this year. And if I’m gonna be honest, I have no fucking clue what to do

Mainly that I’m like I should probably study. Like I’m gonna study but should I cut stuff out? Like I mean I have lot’s of free time usually so It’s not like I wouldn’t have time to study. But I’m just worried that stuff like this will fall to the wayside? Cause I just started this blog like and it’d be annoying to toss it aside in its infancy. Which makes sense of course. But also, I want to not fail ya get me. Truly a dilemma of unmeasurable proportions.

And I’ve had no time to prepare. It only hit me at about 3 pm today just what is coming. Like it’s tomorrow. In all honesty tho it’s not that I’m scared of what is coming it’s that I kind of don’t feel anything at all? Like it’s just a vast nothingness bar a tiny feeling. And I know I should feel something. I think I’m just too caught up in my own bullshit to realise that “OH FUCK I HAVE ACTUALLY PUT EFFORT IN” ya know. Like bruh, be scared it’s normal

Hell I don’t even know what I wanna do post school? will i go to college? join the circus? die? Who fucking knows. I just want to stick with my friends(Who will probably all move on past me) and my gf like ya know. But how do I do that? Nobody will tell me besides vague answers and I have to say that’s bullshit. Like come on bro, prepare me for this stupid ass “real world”. I just wanna chill with my gf like come on.

I both need more time to study while also doing something new to take my mind off the stress that will inevitably hit me like a wave a month before the end. I think if I focus on school I’ll still be able to write blog posts. Honestly if I have all that time in class I’ll be forced to think so I’ll probably be able to pump out blog posts lol. Maybe I’ll pick up Krav Maga? Sounds fun and simple enough ya know. Just need someone to go with me 🙁

But yeah. It’s this massive thing that has somehow snuck up on me. My whole life I’ve been ignoring it and now it’s upon me like a quickly approaching dog that I have refused to acknowledge until it humped my leg off. So yeah basically if I don’t post for the next 6-7 months don’t worry I’m just pulling my hair out trying to figure out how geography works. I know this was a short one but eh give me a break will ye. I promise to continue this for as long as I possibly can handle it. So expect me to continue this as I fail at everything else in my life :).